Sunday, July 3, 2011


"If people never left us alone, we wouldn't be able to find our way and grow." - Me

Years ago, I dreamt of being in a shipwreck and I was drowning in an ocean, but a man suddenly pulled me up with no shirt on. Quite inspiring, sexy and heroic.

It could have meant so many things:
1) A man in real life will save me from my overwhelming emotions
2) It could be a flashback of when I drowned as a child and my cousin saved me
3) A guardian angel, Jesus, or God will be there for me when I'm in need

I recently had a dream that I was entering a pond with bright blue water. I slipped on a rock, and fell deep in. I held my breath and swam my way up, and let out a sigh of relief. No one to save me but myself. I found these colorful pebbles on the wall and rubbed them on my hands and feet. Who knows what that means? Probably that I don't need a rock (a man), but pebbles (friends) in my life.

I'm pretty sure that many of us want to be saved, be rescued by God, by others, and we forget that we should be saving ourselves. We should stand on our own two feet and not be waiting for someone to carry us through life. We feel empowered when we try to save others, though, like we've made a difference in their life, but sometimes we have to keep our distance for our own sanity. I've tried to save others and it has made things worse, in which the person wants more of you and doesn't see how they are affecting you with their drama and invading your space.

I've been that person, too. It becomes an obsession...only with men of course. I don't look for females to save me. My mom has done a great job being in my life. There's no understanding of boundaries or respect. We use them for our own provide food, shelter, get us out of our misery when the only one that can do that is US, ourselves.

That's why I don't want to do it anymore, and I don't want anyone to save me either. I want to meet an equal or at least someone smarter/wiser than me that I can learn things from. Equality makes me think of the book Anthem by Ayn Rand. Must read.

"No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

The brain is the most powerful organ. You can make it believe anything you want it to. Even convincing it that you are strong on your own because well, we all are. Be your own angel. And then one will come to you when you're not looking.

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