Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Depression

I wish I could tell you...
I found out today I can be considered bi-polar,
but more on the depressed side.

That's why I couldn't drink.
It increased the anxiety and sad feelings.
But when I yelled at you,
I was manic.
When I was ecstatic to see you,
it was because you took me out of my depression.
You  made me feel like shit
when you looked at me and said,
"What's wrong with you?"
What's wrong with me? I'm happy to see you!
You should know that, but you knew
you were an insensitive person all along.
You gave me reason to hate your guts more.
Thanks for understanding.
Your friend suffered from depression,
and you were there for him.
What about me?
You hurt me when you avoided me.
Why couldn't you tell me you loved me,
and just wanted to be alone for a bit?
Why did you prevent me from
participating in your private life?
What the fuck did you have to hide?!

I'm sorry I smothered you.
I overcompensated because
I wanted to be loved by you.
Hope you're having fun without me.
You have washed your hands clean of me.
I'm no longer Brendi. I'm Liz.
You killed your delicate little flower,
and turned her into a bitter bitch at times.
However, she's trying to love herself
the way she wanted you to.
Compliments, hugs, kisses, chocolate,
emotional support, laughter.
I convinced myself I didn't love you,
that it was obsession, that if I loved you,
I wouldn't be changing you into my exes (all 5 of em)
But I still miss you 'cause you were so different.
Calm. But then again, I knew you would explode.

And I didn't want to be the girl to watch you snap!
All that stuff in there will explode when the woman
you fall in love with pisses you off.
And when you scare her away,
and are left all alone because you actually
gave your heart to a "whore" instead of me,
who loved you for no reason,
you will understand what you put me through.
HELL!

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